The Mind Behind Love

Why does choosing yourself feel like betrayal?You say no to something you don’t want. You take a day off. You set a boundary. And suddenly, guilt floods in. Not because you did something wrong — but because you finally did something for yourself.This guilt is not a sign that you’re selfish — it’s a sign you were trained to self-abandon.If your worth was tied to being “good,” “helpful,” or “selfl..

"Everything is fine… so why do I feel like something is wrong?"You’re dating someone who communicates well. They’re kind, consistent, and emotionally available. There’s no drama, no mind games. And yet, inside your chest — a flutter of anxiety. You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. You wonder if you’re losing interest. Or if it’s "too good to be true."This is called safety anxiety — the dis..

"I don’t feel anything anymore."It’s a sentence spoken quietly, often with guilt. You’re not in deep pain anymore, but you’re not happy either. You're functioning — going to work, responding to texts, smiling when appropriate. But you feel like a ghost in your own life.This is emotional numbness. And no, it’s not healing — it’s survival.When you’ve experienced prolonged emotional pain, your syst..

Does being in control make you feel safe?On the surface, control looks like strength. You make the plans, keep things organized, and handle problems quickly. People may even admire your decisiveness and drive. But beneath the surface, control is often fueled by fear — the fear of things falling apart, of being hurt, or of not being good enough unless everything is under your watch.Real confidenc..

Why do we keep ending up in relationships that hurt?You meet someone kind. They communicate well. They respect your boundaries. And yet... something inside you feels off. Maybe even bored. Meanwhile, the moment someone inconsistent or emotionally distant shows up, your heart races. You feel "chemistry." You feel "pulled."This isn’t love. It’s recognition. You're not drawn to them because they’re..

"You're so strong — I don’t know how you do it."It’s a compliment, right? Strength is admirable. It’s the trait people praise when they see you carrying burdens with a steady face, offering support to others even when your own heart feels heavy.But what if that strength is a mask?Many who are seen as “the strong one” didn’t choose the role — it was given to them by necessity. Maybe you grew up i..

Do you feel worthy only when you're useful to others?Many people confuse being needed with being loved. On the surface, it may look like compassion or selflessness — always helping, fixing, supporting. But deep down, it’s often rooted in a dangerous belief: “If I’m not needed, I’m not enough.”This pattern usually forms in childhood, especially in environments where love was conditional. If you h..

Love Psychology Series – Episode 9: Why We Fall for People Who Can’t Love Us BackYou give. You try. You wait. And still, they pull away. You’re left wondering why you keep falling for people who don’t—or won’t—love you back.This post by Dr. Paul Lee explores why we’re drawn to emotionally unavailable people, what it says about our own attachment patterns, and how to begin choosing the love we ac..

Emotional Healing Series – Episode 9: When You Keep Saying "I’m Fine" But You’re Not“I’m fine.” It’s what you say when you’re anything but. You smile, keep busy, stay productive—while a storm rages quietly inside.This post by Dr. Paul Lee explores the hidden emotional cost of saying "I’m fine" when you're not, why we do it, and how to slowly replace that armor with honesty, self-connection, and ..

Self-Worth & Attachment Series – Episode 8: Why You Struggle to Receive Love Without Earning ItThey compliment you. They say they care. They offer love freely—and yet, you feel uncomfortable. You wonder what you did to deserve it… and how long it will last.For those with insecure attachment or low self-worth, receiving love can feel more threatening than rejection. In this post, Dr. Paul Lee unp..