Love Psychology – Episode 11: Why You Feel Anxious When Things Are Going Well

Why You Feel Anxious When Things Are Going Well

"Everything is fine… so why do I feel like something is wrong?"

You’re dating someone who communicates well. They’re kind, consistent, and emotionally available. There’s no drama, no mind games. And yet, inside your chest — a flutter of anxiety. You’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. You wonder if you’re losing interest. Or if it’s "too good to be true."

This is called safety anxiety — the discomfort that arises when love finally feels secure.

For people who grew up with emotional unpredictability, chaos becomes normal. When love was inconsistent, conditional, or absent, you may have learned to equate intensity with connection. So when someone is calm, clear, and stable — your nervous system doesn’t recognize it as love. It feels unfamiliar. Boring. Suspicious.

This creates a trap:

• Stable love feels uncomfortable.
• Unstable love feels magnetic.

And you begin to question yourself: “Do I even like this person?” “Am I just sabotaging something good?” “Maybe I need more passion...”

But here’s the truth: it’s not a lack of chemistry — it’s your trauma calming down.

Love that feels calm can trigger anxiety because it’s not what you’re used to.

When someone respects your boundaries, listens to your needs, and offers security, your inner protector goes on high alert. Why? Because in your past, safety often came right before hurt. Your brain learned: Don’t relax — danger is near.

So even when nothing is wrong, you feel tense. You overanalyze. You pick fights. You shut down emotionally — not because you’re broken, but because safety feels risky when you’re used to chaos.

Healing looks like boredom at first. But it’s actually peace. And peace takes time to feel safe inside your body.

Here’s how to navigate safety anxiety:

• Remind yourself: calm ≠ disconnection.
• Notice urges to create chaos and pause.
• Talk about your fears with your partner or a therapist.
• Let yourself adjust slowly to stability — it’s unfamiliar, not wrong.

You deserve love that doesn’t hurt. Let yourself receive it — even when your anxiety tries to run.

Don’t confuse the absence of pain with the absence of love. Sometimes peace is the most passionate thing your heart has ever needed.

📚 Books That Help You Go Deeper

• Polysecure by Jessica Fern
• Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps
• Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller