Love Psychology Episode 12: Why Some People Push Love Away When It Feels Too Real

Why Some People Push Love Away When It Feels Too Real

Love should be warm and safe, but for some, it feels like walking into a fire.

Have you ever loved someone deeply—only to watch them pull away just when things got serious? This emotional pattern, often called "love avoidance," is more common than we think. And it usually hides a history of emotional pain, attachment anxiety, or deep-rooted self-doubt.

Why Love Feels Dangerous to Some

• Fear of rejection: The more you care, the more it can hurt if things go wrong.
• Unresolved trauma: Past wounds from childhood or previous relationships may create fear around emotional closeness.
• Loss of control: Love requires vulnerability—and for many, that feels like losing control of their emotional safety.

Common Signs of Love Avoidance

People who fear deep love may:

• Sabotage the relationship just as it's getting closer
• Say things like “I’m not ready for a relationship” right after intimacy grows
• Feel suffocated even in healthy emotional bonds

Often, the fear isn’t about the partner—it’s about their own ability to be loved and stay safe.

How to Gently Heal This Pattern

Healing begins by recognizing that avoidance is a protective strategy, not a flaw. People can rewire their love patterns through:

• Therapy or coaching that focuses on attachment issues
• Mindful relationships that offer consistent emotional safety
• Inner work to understand their fears, not suppress them

Books That Help You Go Deeper

1. Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller – A must-read on attachment styles and romantic behavior.
2. Fear of Intimacy by Robert W. Firestone – A powerful analysis of love avoidance.
3. How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo – Building trust and love with emotional maturity.