Love Psychology Series – Episode 8: Why We Feel Addicted to the Wrong Person

Love Psychology Series – Episode 8: Why We Feel Addicted to the Wrong Person

Why We Feel Addicted to the Wrong Person

You know they’re not good for you. They make you anxious, confused, even hurt— but you still wait for their message. You still hope. You still stay.

It doesn’t feel like a relationship. It feels like a craving. In this post, Dr. Paul Lee breaks down why we can feel emotionally addicted to someone who’s not right for us, and how to begin breaking the cycle without breaking your heart.

---

1. Intermittent Rewards Trigger Emotional Addiction

When love is inconsistent—hot then cold, present then distant—it creates an addictive loop in the brain. It’s not the love you’re hooked on. It’s the high of finally getting a response after the low of being ignored.

This pattern mimics slot machines. You never know when you’ll “win,” so you keep trying. That uncertainty feels exciting—but it's actually anxiety.

---

2. You Confuse Intensity with Intimacy

When emotions run high, it’s easy to confuse that intensity for connection. But real intimacy doesn’t come from chaos—it comes from consistency.

You might think, “But I’ve never felt this way before.” That might be true. But new doesn’t always mean healthy. And intense doesn’t always mean real.

---

3. You’re Trying to Rewrite an Old Story

Often, the person you're addicted to feels strangely familiar. Not because they’re your soulmate— but because they remind you of a past you’re still trying to fix.

Maybe they trigger your wounds. Maybe they validate your fears. Either way, you’re drawn to them not out of love—but out of unfinished emotional business.

---

4. You Think Their Love Proves Your Worth

When you struggle with self-worth, getting affection from the “wrong person” feels like winning. “If I can make them love me, maybe I’m lovable.” But that’s not love—that’s performance.

You don’t need to earn love through pain. The right person doesn’t make you prove yourself. They meet you, see you, and stay.

---

Conclusion: Real Love Isn’t a Rollercoaster

What you’re feeling isn’t just heartbreak—it’s withdrawal. You’re detoxing from the hope, the highs, the unpredictability. But on the other side of that is peace.

You don’t need to chase someone who hurts you to feel alive. You just need to believe that love doesn’t have to hurt to be real.

---

Written by Dr. Paul Lee
Founder of The Mind Behind Love

📘 Books That Help You Go Deeper

• Love and Addiction by Stanton Peele – A foundational book explaining how love can mimic addictive cycles.
• Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller – A science-based look at why we’re drawn to certain people.
• Breakup Bootcamp by Amy Chan – A modern, empowering guide for breaking free from toxic love cycles.