Self-Worth & AttachmentEp20: How Do We Stop Seeking Validation and Start Feeling Enough?

“Why do I need them to tell me I’m enough?”
Many of us spend years chasing approval — from partners, parents, or even strangers. But no amount of validation can fill a void we haven't healed ourselves. The good news? That worth has always been yours. You just forgot. 💚

1. Where the Need Begins

We learn early that love comes with conditions — be quiet, be nice, be useful. So we shape-shift. We overachieve. We become what others want… and forget what we need.

🧠 Body Language Insight: Constantly checking for reactions, adjusting tone or posture for approval, or fidgeting when receiving compliments are cues of external-worth dependency.

2. Validation Feels Good — But It Can’t Be Home

External praise is sweet — but fleeting. If you don’t believe it on the inside, you’ll keep chasing more. Real confidence isn’t “I know they love me.” It’s “Even if they don’t — I still matter.”

3. Reparenting the Inner Critic

That voice inside that says “not enough” isn’t yours — it’s borrowed. Maybe from a distant parent, a critical teacher, or a painful moment. You can talk back. Gently. Firmly. With love. 🧘‍♂️

4. Self-Worth in Action

Want to build inner worth? Start with choices like:

💬 Saying no without apology
💬 Resting without guilt
💬 Accepting compliments with a smile — not a deflection
💬 Being proud without proof

These aren’t ego — they’re healing. 🌱

5. Story: Daniel’s Shift from Approval to Belief

Daniel, 39, lived for applause. When praised, he soared. When ignored, he sank. Through journaling and therapy, he discovered a pattern: “I only feel valuable when I’m needed.” Now, he practices affirming himself every morning — not for anyone else, but because he finally believes it.

6. Final Message 💬

You don’t need to earn your worth — you were born with it. Others may celebrate you — but they don’t define you.

You are not someone waiting to be chosen. You are someone remembering you already are. 🕊️

📚 Recommended Books

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
The Self-Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser