Self-Worth & Attachment Episode 15: When You Think You’re the Problem in Every Relationship

When You Think You’re the Problem in Every Relationship

They ghosted you. Grew distant. Or treated you poorly. And yet, your first thought was: “What did I do wrong?”

When relationships end or turn painful, it’s natural to reflect. But for those struggling with low self-worth, reflection turns into self-blame. Instead of asking what happened, they ask, “What’s wrong with me?” This mindset doesn’t just hurt—it sabotages future connections.

Why We Internalize the Blame

• Childhood criticism: If you were constantly told you were “too much” or “not enough,” you likely learned to self-monitor excessively.
• Trauma bonding: You may have learned that keeping someone happy is the only way to feel safe or worthy.
• Lack of emotional validation: If your feelings were often dismissed, you may doubt their legitimacy as an adult.

How Self-Blame Shows Up in Relationships

• You apologize even when you’ve done nothing wrong
• You overanalyze texts and reactions, assuming you upset someone
• You stay in unhealthy dynamics out of guilt or fear of abandonment

This creates a painful cycle of chasing love and questioning your worth every time it gets hard.

Rebuilding a Healthier Relationship with Yourself

Healing begins when you realize: You’re not always the cause—you’re just the one who cares the most.

• Pause when self-blame arises and ask, “What would I say to a friend in my place?”
• Track patterns—if this happens with multiple people, it may be about *how you love*, not who you are
• Reconnect with your worth by building boundaries and honoring your emotional truth

Books That Help You Go Deeper

1. The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi – Tools to challenge negative self-talk and reclaim confidence.
2. Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller – Understanding your attachment patterns.
3. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz – A spiritual guide to freeing yourself from blame and self-judgment.