Emotional Healing Episode 14: When You Keep Fixing Others to Avoid Fixing Yourself

When You Keep Fixing Others to Avoid Fixing Yourself

When you're always helping others heal, ask yourself—who's helping you?

Have you ever noticed how some people are always drawn to the broken? They enter relationships trying to fix, rescue, or emotionally support someone through their struggles. But deep down, it’s not always about the other person—it’s about avoiding their own inner wounds.

The Psychology of the Rescuer

• Distraction from self: Helping others becomes a way to ignore personal pain and unresolved trauma.
• Sense of control: Fixing others gives a sense of power when your own life feels chaotic or uncertain.
• Ego validation: Being needed makes them feel worthy—often masking deep feelings of inadequacy.

Signs You’re Hiding Behind Healing

• You choose partners who are emotionally unavailable or troubled
• You feel uneasy when the focus turns to your needs or emotions
• Your identity is tied to being the “strong one” or the helper

This pattern isn’t just exhausting—it also creates imbalanced, unsustainable relationships where your own needs are always second.

How to Shift the Focus Back to You

Healing begins with the courage to turn inward. To stop asking, “How can I help them?” and start asking, “What part of me needs healing right now?”

• Let others be responsible for their own healing journey
• Explore what you fear might surface if you slow down and face yourself
• Start treating your own pain with the compassion you offer others

Books That Help You Go Deeper

1. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie – A classic on breaking the cycle of emotional rescuing.
2. The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori – Healing from childhood emotional neglect.
3. Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach – Learning to face yourself with compassion, not judgment.