Love Psychology Episode 13: Do They Love You or Just Love Being Loved?

Do They Love You or Just Love Being Loved?

Not everyone who says “I love you” is really saying “I see you.”

There’s a confusing dynamic in modern relationships: You meet someone who showers you with attention, praises you, and seems totally into you. But over time, something feels off. You give more and feel less seen. You start to wonder: Do they love me… or just love being loved?

What Does “Loving to Be Loved” Look Like?

• It’s about validation, not connection: They seek affection to feel wanted—but not necessarily to build intimacy.
• Charm without depth: They’re engaging, charismatic, and romantic—but avoid emotional vulnerability.
• Discomfort with your needs: When the relationship becomes mutual and you need support, they withdraw or dismiss.

Why Some People Fall into This Pattern

This dynamic often stems from:

• Low self-worth: They seek others’ admiration to feel temporarily valuable.
• Fear of true intimacy: Getting close might trigger anxiety, so they prefer surface-level attention.
• Narcissistic tendencies: They crave devotion but don’t know how to reciprocate emotionally.

In essence, they love the idea of love more than the reality of emotional closeness.

How to Protect Your Heart

It’s important to honor your own emotional needs. You deserve love that is:

• Reciprocal—not one-sided
• Emotionally nourishing—not draining
• Rooted in true connection—not just admiration

Choose partners who see you, not just what you offer.

Books That Help You Go Deeper

1. Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist by Margalis Fjelstad – For those stuck in validation-seeking relationships.
2. Love Me, Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen – Healing the fear of abandonment in love.
3. The Truth by Neil Strauss – A raw, honest journey into the psychology of love, fear, and growth.