Why You Struggle to Believe Someone Really Loves You (Self-Worth & Attachment Series #5)
Why You Struggle to Believe Someone Really Loves You (Self-Worth & Attachment Series #5)
They say they love you. They show up. They listen. They care. But deep down, you still wonder: “Do they really mean it?” No matter how much reassurance you receive, a small voice whispers, “You’re not really lovable.”
This isn’t because you’re broken. It’s because you’ve learned not to trust love. In this post, Dr. Paul Lee explores why some of us struggle to believe in real love—even when it’s right in front of us—and how to begin trusting it anyway.
1. When Love Feels Like a Trick
If you’ve been abandoned, betrayed, or criticized by people who once said they loved you, you may carry the belief that love always has a catch. You become hyperaware of inconsistencies. You expect the affection to disappear without warning.
Your body remembers pain even when your mind forgets. And so when love feels good, your nervous system assumes something bad is coming. It’s not sabotage. It’s survival.
2. You Don’t Believe You’re Enough
Low self-worth distorts how we receive love. Instead of thinking, “They love me because I’m lovable,” you think, “They must not really know me,” or, “They’ll change their mind.”
You interpret kindness as pity. Consistency feels suspicious. Because somewhere along the way, you learned that love is earned—not given.
3. You Keep Waiting to Be Exposed
At the heart of disbelief is the fear that you’re faking something. That if someone truly knew the real you, they’d walk away. So you test their love. You hide parts of yourself. You keep one foot out the door.
But here’s the truth: If someone loves the version of you that’s guarded, imagine how much deeper the love could be if you let yourself be fully seen.
4. Trusting Love Is a Skill You Can Build
Believing someone loves you isn’t just a feeling—it’s a skill. And like any skill, it takes practice. Start by noticing your default thoughts when someone is kind to you. Do you deflect, question, or dismiss it?
Try accepting their love—even if it feels awkward. Say “thank you” instead of “why?” Over time, your nervous system will learn that love doesn’t always end in loss.
Conclusion: You’re Not Unlovable—You’re Learning to Feel Loved
There is nothing wrong with needing reassurance. There is nothing wrong with struggling to trust. What matters is that you keep trying.
Because one day, the love that once felt unfamiliar will start to feel like home. Not because it changed—but because you finally believed you deserve to receive it.
Written by Dr. Paul Lee
Founder of The Mind Behind Love
📘 Books That Help You Go Deeper
- Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps – An excellent guide for understanding and healing anxious attachment.
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – Teaches how to embrace your worthiness and receive love fully.
- Love Sense by Dr. Sue Johnson – Explores the science of attachment and how secure love heals.